“Turn your Frustration into determination”

The day I first heard this phrase, is a very distinct moment for me, lesson #1 in “strategies for frustration management”. 

I was with my father and younger sister, we were on our way home from the community pool. We had climbed into our bumblebee yellow Datsun when my father turned to us both and coined a phrase for each of us. Mine was, “I must turn my frustration into determination”, and my sister’s …. well we don’t need to get into that one just yet. Little did my father or I, for that matter, know that this would become a mantra for life. Time and time again, this phrase has been the refrain of my life’s song that I have not been able to get out of my head.

Whenever I encountered the feeling of wanting to give up and throw in the towel, I remind myself what my father taught me all those years ago, take that energy and turn it into possibility, determination!  The first of many strategies for frustration.

Frustration Abounds

There is a reason I choose to write about this now, as I struggle through the ins and outs of developing this blog and creating my website, inserting lots of deep breaths and breaks as I dive into this new world. I am not a web designer or developer, I can get around a computer fairly comfortably for what I need to do in my day to day life and work, but web design, is a whole other ballgame and it truly could be a showstopper for me… but here I am.  In truth, we all need strategies for frustration, as it is a normal part of life and many of us struggle with it at various times in our lives.  

When you become overwhelmed or frustrated it is often because you want to do something, accomplish something and you want it bad! But there are always barriers that come up and present as obstacles. Sometimes it feels as though you can’t move forward, you can feel stuck, you can feel like you want to throw the computer across the room, or the book (for students-I remember that feeling well), or whatever it is that is keeping you from moving forward. My father gave me this expression as a way to channel that inner drive that he knew was there and to help me move past the feeling of wanting to give up and/or turn to a more destructive way to deal with the feeling (ie throwing the computer).

Situations When You Need Strategies for Frustration Management

There are many situations that might present as frustrations for us, these might include:

1. A creative block, for writers or musicians
2. Seeking a promotion at work or not being recognized for your hard work
3. Learning a new skill, such as in athletics, language, or in school
4. Wanting to spend time doing a favorite activity but not being able to find the time to do it
5. It could be related to a challenge in a relationship or inability to communicate with a loved one
6. Any kind of stress or worry can lead to a feeling of frustration, finances, health, and grief are some examples
7. It could also include issues or concerns on a community level, social injustice, political beliefs, or differences therein.

There are some approaches to dealing with this difficult feeling which I think are important to remember. The first is that we will be frustrated in life, at times.  Frustration is a feeling like any other and it is temporary, however like many other feelings that fade at times, unless you work to resolve the challenges, you will continue to reignite the levels of frustration which could also lead to anger and resentment if not addressed.  Therefore it is important to nip it in the bud as soon as you can.

I’ve outlined some steps below that you can take when feeling frustrated and overwhelmed which are my recommended strategies for frustration management and will help you cope with your frustration.  Whatever route you choose, it is important that you do something.  Any step will be a movement towards working to resolve the challenges.  Sometimes it is simply identifying that which you can do, rather than that which is out of your control, i.e. the source of your frustration.

3 Strategies for Frustration Management 

#1 Know who the enemy is!

Have you identified the challenge?  Is it a feeling that does not have a clear origin?  This is an important first step, to identify the sources of your frustrations.  There may be many and it may feel like a general feeling about a lot of things in your life, I have been there too!  To address something we first must know what the problem is.  You can work to identify this by doing some writing and reflecting.  If you are in therapy or have a counselor available to you, they would be able to help you sort out the areas in your life that feel overwhelming and frustrating.  If there are several, and you can name them, I would also suggest, writing them down, this will be the first step in you developing a plan to address those challenges.    

Very often it is obvious what the barrier, challenge, or frustration is (all terms apply).  For example, as I develop my blog, I know that it is the technical aspects that present as roadblocks and challenges for me which lead me to … A LOT … of frustration. This is in part because I don’t have a clear understanding of how they all work and communicate, on top of that, me being me, with just a touch of ADHD, makes me feel that I have to do it all NOW!  So, I know this about myself and I can also work to readjust my expectations when I take a step back… many deep breathes and remember that this is a fun project.  There is no hard deadline and the bonus of this project is that I can do it in my free time, so I can give myself the time and mental space to slow down and learn the pieces of this puzzle that I need to learn.  I might also feel more in control if I am organized in my approach, as part of the feeling is having so many different aspects that need to be addressed and learned.  Therefore, I know that I need help.  I know my strengths (content) and my weaknesses (tech and maybe some organization).  And with this information, I can seek help and go to the experts.  Knowing this information, I decided that I needed to enroll in a course where I would get that support and expert advice.  When I feel overwhelmed and not sure how to resolve a problem, I can turn to the experts and seek out guidance, there is also Google 🙂 How did we survive without Google! 

#2 Identify the why

This might seem obvious but is super important.  On a piece of paper identify the challenge or frustration.  Underneath it, write down, why this is frustrating, without blaming other people.  What is it that you can or can’t do regarding this challenge?  For example, if your frustration is because of the overwhelming amount of things you have in your home (ie hoarding issue) and you are lacking any organization, maybe you would like to decorate for the Holidays but because of the hoarding issue, there is no place to put your Christmas tree.  Ok so, we have the issue, now we identify what we can do about it.  The answer would seem somewhat obvious, in that we (you) need to be able to let go of some objects and clean out a room to put up the tree.  Granted this might take some time and hoarding is a much larger issue, but we can take small steps.   Doing something will help you to feel SOME relief around the larger issue.  And as it has been said one good act begets another, sometimes it is a matter of getting the ball rolling.  

#3 Take a break

This is especially important in those situations where you are feeling a creative block or just feel there is some cosmic energy against you.  I think this is where we can all stand to benefit from taking some space and gaining perspective.  Maybe that job that you desperately wanted was not actually a good fit for you.  Maybe you are tapped out creatively because you’ve been going nonstop for months at a time and or you need to surround yourself with new energy and a rejuvenating environment.  There is also an element of radical acceptance here as well.  I have included a link to an article from Psychology Today, that goes into more depth on this topic, a topic I will surely be covering in the months ahead, but here is a little intro.  There is power in accepting that which we cannot change and do not like.  It takes time and it’s a process.  The time it takes for us to move through the disappointment, anger or frustration depends on what the disappointment is.

To overcome your frustrations it is super important to take a step back and channel that inner patience.  This is challenging but, deep breaths and a pause can make all the difference.  When you have the right mix of patience, acceptance, and problem solving you will get there.  It might not look the way you thought it would, but I guess that is part of the wonderment in life.

Therapy

If after implementing strategies for frustration management you find that you continue to have a difficult time with your frustration it might be worth looking into therapy to help you address these challenges.  I have partnered with Online-Therapy.com where you can access a therapist online from anywhere in the world.  This is a great service and you can get a 20% discount using my affiliate link here. I have also included a short video that will give you a little extra information about who they are and how they work.

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