A Less Wonderful Time of the Year…
If you are experiencing depression, the holidays can be the worst, it might just be that time of the year that you do your best trying to avoid. This article contains 5 strategies to help you or support a loved one in their fight with depression during the holiday season.
The holidays even in the best of times can be difficult, the holiday socializing, parties, holiday prep, family drama… I even remember my little Polish grandmother telling a story about a terrible argument with my grandfather one Christmas Eve that ended with a smashed set of dishes.
Holidays + Depression = Increased Isolation
Suffice it to say, the holidays even for people who don’t deal with depression are stressful, but for those who do battle depression, it becomes that time of the year that you just want to skip entirely. The pronounced feelings of loneliness during a time when it seems like everyone is so festive and happy is an alienating experience. Most people feel the stress of the season, and some people on top of that, feel intense loneliness, which can lead to further isolation and in the worst of cases, a mental health crisis.
Thoughts of suicide often coincide with depression and although statistics tell us that the rates are lower in December than in other parts of the year, according to the CDC the dangerous thought patterns that the holidays can exacerbate needs to be acknowledged.
For more information about suicide prevention and how you can help a loved one in need, contact the suicide prevention hotline, lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8225).
The CDC is also a good source of information as they are regularly updating their suicide prevention information with support for anyone experiencing a suicidal crisis as well as for family and friends, for more information click here.
Online Forums – Giving Voice
There are many online platforms that people now look to for support and which are able to give voice to their mental health struggles, which can have its challenges around ensuring safety, but for many, this is a place where they can go and be heard and are able to express deep anguish. Connecting with a community of people who can understand where you are coming from and how horrible it feels to deal with depression and loneliness is, I think, a key component to the healing process, recognizing that you are not alone in your loneliness and sadness is essential.
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”
The cause of depression is not easily identified as there are often layers of life experience, biology, and living environment that contribute to depression. The best research-based treatment includes therapy and support from mental health professionals who can help you work through your depression and the underlying issues contributing to the mental health challenges you are encountering in your life.
My first introduction to depression many years ago, highlighted just this, that the answer to “why” is multifaceted and there is usually not one clear answer. It is a combination of life experience, environment, biology, and heredity and then there is the cross-over with all of those.
Anyone who has experienced a recent loss will likely feel more pronounced loneliness and sadness. This may be due to life circumstances changing, the death of a loved one, divorce, or the loss of a relationship, as loss comes in all shapes and sizes. It can happen quickly and without warning, exacerbating the feeling of depression during the holidays. Sometimes we are just in a rut, maybe depression is something we have battled for many years. And sometimes we have no idea why we deal with this sadness. Sometimes, it can feel like everything in life is ok, in that you have people around you and economic stability and good physical health and yet, you still find it impossible to feel good or even just ok.
Just like there is often no clear reason for why one might be depressed, there is also no one-stop-shop, solution, quick fix, or equation to solve the riddle of depression either. I do think there is value in going through the experience of depression, looking inward to find the outward solutions is part of the journey that I try to highlight in upsidedownflan.com
Below I have identified a few approaches or strategies to dealing with depression, especially in light of the holiday season. If any of this resonates with you, please leave a comment or send me a message about your experience.
Strategies to Survive Depression and the Holidays
#1 Create New Experiences
In dealing with the holidays after a loss, I think one of the most important steps you can take is to change things up. At one point in my life, I was going through a significant life change and was coming back to the states after breaking up with my husband. When I came back from Europe and found myself upon the holiday season, I could not bear the thought of spending the holidays in any way that resembled what I would have done and how they would have been with my then-husband. Fortunately, I was able to get out of town and spend it with some friends in a new place with a very different vibe. I can’t say that it made it all better, hardly, but I didn’t have the constant reminder that I now had a different role in my family and what I had just left behind. It helped me look ahead and begin a new life for myself, it gave me a new perspective, which I was desperately needing.
#2 Find Your Support
The second piece to dealing with the holiday blues and depression is two-pronged. The first is to allow yourself to be sad, give yourself permission to miss what you are missing, and not be full of joy. The second piece is to find your support around that. If you are struggling, find a therapist that can give you the right kind of support, the individual support that you need.
I know that finding a therapist these days can be challenging which is why I have partnered with an agency called Online Therapy that aims to bring therapy to people virtually from anywhere in the world. You can access this service with my affiliate link where you can get 20% off their service for the first month. If you have access to technology and don’t need to use insurance this may be a great option as a starting point towards creating the changes you want and need for a healthy well-balanced life.
A quick note of caution around leaning on friends…
You may have a few friends that you can lean on, but make sure that it doesn’t take over the entire conversation between you and your friends. You absolutely need a space to process your feelings and therapy is one of the most effective places for that processing, it also happens to be one of the most effective forms of treatment for depression. By finding the right professional help, you will be better able to preserve your friendships and you won’t overburden them. Your friends can certainly help but allowing too much space for your depression will get tiresome for them and it will have a negative impact on your friendships.
#3 “Fake It, Till You Make It”
I touched on protective factors earlier, something worth coming back to. The nature of depression is to slow your body functioning down, this was at one point in history a defense mechanism that helped us survive. Today it hinders our movement forward and can keep us from kicking the depression bucket to the curb. We need to stay engaged in life and the happenings around us, the systems, the people, relationships, and connections around us are all examples of protective factors. Any form of connection, big and small, from the random “hello” to the person who lives in your building to family, friends, and coworkers that you spend time with, they are all connections, and they all matter. Push yourself to say hello or join your co-workers on an after-work outing, even when you aren’t feeling it. If we pretend long enough, it might just start to be a part of who you are and the habit of being that will stay with you.
#4 Get Active
As I have mentioned in many of my posts and articles previously, staying active is one of the simplest and most effective solutions to improving our mood and battling depression during the holidays. It doesn’t have to be a long strenuous workout, just a quick walk around the block with your furry buddy can be enough, and the added bonus for pet lovers… knowing that the walk will make them happy can also bring you some happiness! For those who don’t have furry buddies, maybe a little bike ride or a walk to a favorite park, if you can fit in a short jog, even better. But make it work for you and your schedule, fit it and schedule it, you will be amazed at the difference even the smallest amount of physical activity can make!
#5 Don’t forget you have options!
The truth is, we always have options, sometimes we don’t like them, but we have them. Taking a hard look at the options you have can sometimes shake us up a bit and help us to move forward in taking charge of our lives. Sometimes it comes down to making a decision to either continue doing what you are doing, which isn’t working. Or to stay in this life, invested in this life, and as an active participant in this life… working towards resolving the problems you have. Everyone is confronted with challenges in life and though it sometimes feels like we’ve been dealt a bad hand, maybe this is your life challenge, your life lesson. Embracing this kind of mindset shift can be the main ingredient in creating the life you want.
If you liked this article about depression and the holidays, please hit the like button below, share on social media and fill out the form below to receive my free data collector which can be used to start charting the course for your new life! See you soon!
