The Language of Love, How Sweet It Is…

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and that might have you thinking about what you would like to do for your Valentine.  I have put together a gift guide that can help you think about the perfect gift or gesture for your special human according to their love language.  This article contains Amazon affiliate links among others.  Also included in this article is special attention to the needs and care that someone with depression or anxiety disorder may need.

The 5 Love Languages

Gary Chapman first coined the phrase “love language” in his book “The 5 Love Languages” where he dives into the way in which couples communicate with their significant other around needs and desires of love.

You’ve likely heard of this term as it has become a popular way for us to frame our thinking around communication and strategy even, with our partner.  The gift to each of us through this book is the way in which we can understand our partner in a practical and simple manner.  Sometimes relationships can feel like a big guessing game.  I know it felt this way for me at one point in time and I still hear many of my clients talk about this in their own relationships.  Engaging in a conversation with your significant other about their needs and desires is an opportunity to learn and understand your partner in new and fun ways, and this is a tool to help us facilitate that conversation.

It is kinda funny how we might expect the other person to just know what it is that we need or want without ever talking about it.  Somehow this can be the thing that we equate to love.  We might think “If they really love me, they will know me and know what I want and need.”  Anyone ever fall into that trap?

Maybe you have read the book by Dr. Gary Chapman and have already taken the quiz.  If you haven’t, this could be one of the ways in which you connect with your Valentine this year.  And the bonus is that if your partner falls into the “Quality Time” language of love category, you will be speaking their language, on your way to fulfilling some of their desires 😉

You can access the love language quiz by clicking here.  Afterward, talk with your partner and think about the ways in which this plays out.  The truth is that you may have tendencies that lean into a few different languages, but the idea is that there is one dominant for each person.

Depression and Anxiety as Barriers to Love

I think it’s important to note the way anxiety and depression can hinder a relationship and sometimes leave people feeling incapable of receiving the love around them.  Clarifying the way in which your partner communicates their love to you or the meaningful ways they receive love is all the more important if your partner experiences depression or anxiety.

If you or your partner experience depression or anxiety the importance of communication is that much more important.  Depression and anxiety act as a barrier to receiving or feeling anything positive around you as they are often programmed for a rejection or have the feeling that they are not worthy or just expect the worst.  Therefore I would highly recommend that you take whatever opportunity you can to communicate with them about the connection or feelings you have for them.  This may be one of the greatest gifts you could give your significant other who experiences depression or anxiety.

The Love Language Gift Guide

OK, enough babbling, here it is, the part of this article that likely got you here, my love language gift guide from a mental health perspective, and a regular human perspective.  As I mentioned your significant other might have a dominant love language but likely has others that show up in their quiz results as well.  There is much overlap in these categories for example the idea of spending quality time together and physical touch, can go hand in hand, not always, but often.  Something to keep in mind.

Love Language, “Words of Affirmation”  Gift Ideas

If this is the language of your significant other, then they likely feel the greatest connection through compliments, encouragement, and verbal support.  This might be as simple as a compliment on an outfit or positive encouragement on a work endeavor.

When looking at this through the lens of depression or anxiety, it is generally a good practice to ensure that you are offering those extra words of support and affection to your partner.   As I mentioned above, if your significant other is battling depression or anxiety they may be programmed to think the worse, and while you won’t be able to make it all go away, you can help by offering those words of affirmation and support whenever possible, as words are one important way that we communicate this to our partner.

Some gift ideas for someone who speaks this language might be:

#1 Creating a photo book or another gift with some encouraging words and reminders of your feelings for them.  There are many fabulous websites for this kind of personalized gift creation.  My favorite is Shutterfly, hands-down.  I have been using them for years, they have the capacity for making beautiful gifts with your photos and inspiring words that your significant other will love.  It has never failed me.  They have options that range from personalized storybooks, to photo books, to a whole range of gifts for family, friends, pets, and so on.

#2 Another gift idea for loved ones who speak the language of “Words of Affirmation” is the Blankiegram.  The Blankiegram has a variety of colors all of which represent different messages.  Blue is for hugs, grey is the color of rest and meditation, teal alleviates feelings of loneliness, pink and purple are options as well and known to be inspirational, soothing colors, relieving of emotional stress and physical pain as well.  Blankiegram is a hug embodied in words of positive encouragement and affirmation from a loved one.   Additionally, Blankiegram has included in their mission a pledge to support those in need by donating free blankets with the hope to “cover the world in hugs”.  Definitely, a worthwhile company to support.

#3 My next gift suggestion, a gratitude journal, is in line with a lot of my writing as I had a whole article about gratitude, I have included the link here.  A gratitude journal will offer daily words of inspiration and encouragement and an opportunity to discover the things they are grateful for, which if suffering from depression and anxiety will not be jumping out at them.

#4 Another unique option for your significant other is to get them a Lovebox.  If you are not familiar with what a Lovebox is, this is an innovative spin on the old-fashioned love letter/message.  Essentially it is a device that pairs with an app and allows you to send words or pictures to your loved one.  This is an especially nice option for those in long-distance relationships and if your partner loves techy gadgets this could be a real winner!.  The animated picture you see here is a link to my affiliate page, where you can check it out for yourself and see if it’s a good match for you and your significant other.  If you decide to make a purchase I will get a small commission at no additional cost to you.  What better way to send words of affection in a unique and fun way that’s in keeping with the times.

Love Language “Acts of Service” Gift Guide

This person will likely appreciate the little gestures that you make for them.  Going out of your way to help them out or do a dreaded household task, maybe running an errand or two without being asked.  The way to speak this person’s love language might be thinking ahead and taking the initiative to surprise them with a task that is on their to-do list.  ie putting IKEA furniture together for them 😉

A few gift ideas:

#1 Dinner prep is something that hangs over most of our heads, some of us love it and some hate it, but regardless of which category you fall in, it often comes down to a matter of the time we have for this daily chore.  One gift possibility to relieve your loved one of this burden from time to time is to get them a subscription to a meal prep program like Blue Apron.  Blue Apron is a great option with many different meal plans, they even work with weight watchers if your loved one is watching their waist.  Or if you and your significant other enjoy a good lobster…  you might want to check out “Get Maine Lobster”.  Nothing says special occasion like that Maine delicacy… Lobstah!  Check out my affiliate link here, the picture is a link 😉 where you can have fresh lobster delivered to your door with free shipping.

#2 Massage is another act of service for your loved ones, relieving them of some stress they carry in their day-to-day life.  You could book an appointment for them and surprise them by bringing them to the actual salon, many places offer an option for couples, which would have to be booked in advance most likely.

#3 Most of the gifts for someone who speaks this language fall under the category of “gestures” vs actual gifts.  Some examples for your partner whose love language is “Acts of Service” are; paying a bill for them, running an errand for them, surprising them at the office with a special lunch, or planning a night out for the two of you (also good for the QT love language).

Love Language “Quality Time” Gift Guide

If your special someone’s language of love is “Quality Time” they will appreciate time alone together with you.  Depending on your home circumstances it might be difficult to do this and could require getting someone to help with childcare.  For the significant other who suffers from anxiety or depression, this could be an especially important gift for them as they could easily feel overwhelmed with the small task of arranging childcare or organizing a night out.  Taking that off their plate will be a gift in and of itself.

#1 There is of course a special date night, with a stop at their favorite restaurant or during these COVID times, maybe takeout?  If there is the need to compromise with going out due to COVID, then trying to decorate the table a little more or making the occasion a little more special at home.  Maybe it’s a night watching favorite family videos of vacations or events in the past.  Or maybe renting the movie that isn’t out yet for your own private viewing.  If you are able to go out, maybe following dinner there is an event that your loved one would enjoy, a play or music/sporting event.

#2 Vacations or weekends away are always a special treat, which is still a feasible thing to work in during COVID, there may be some special precautions but you will likely find some good deals on hotels and area resorts.  If you are traveling by plane it will become more complicated but even just staying in a nearby city to enjoy a little nightlife, might be a much-needed change of scenery and escape.   Additionally, this will be a surefire way to connect with your significant other that suffers from depression or anxiety, gestures and gifts to connect with them will likely be the things that will speak to them the most.

#3 If your significant other enjoys wine, perhaps a wine tasting at home with just the two of you or with another couple would appeal to your loved one who speaks the language of “quality time”?  There are some great wine tasting kits and games available through Amazon, they range in price, but they do have some reasonable options as well.  This picture here is an example and contains a link to Amazon if you would like to research it further, please note, as I have mentioned before, if you do decide to make a purchase I will get a small commission at no additional cost to you.

Love Language “Physical Touch” Gift Guide

The love language that speaks the language of “Physical Touch” derives connection from holding hands, hugs, physical affection, and close intimate contact.  A few ways to share a gift with your loved one who speaks the “Physical Touch” language are:

#1 A quiet night together watching a movie, make it a little special with a popcorn care package such as this one here, you will have all of the comforts of home with the treats of the theater.  Lots of room for closer intimate contact

#2 Body oil is a sensual and luxurious product that we rarely buy for ourselves.  Typically when buying for ourselves, they come in the form of lotions, but oil is a whole other ballgame.

#3 Candles and fragrances can also be a way to set a mood for you and your loved one.  Nothing says romance like candles, right?!  Stonewall Kitchen is an affiliate of mine and if you are not familiar with them, well then you are in for a treat!  I love everything at Stonewall Kitchen, a company that was born out of New England and just has the most amazing gourmet jellies, jams, cooking sauces, cookies AND candles.  I have never had anything from Stonewall that I didn’t love.  You can take a look at their many products online by clicking on my link (picture) here.

Love Language “Receiving Gifts” Gift Guide

If your significant other falls into the category of “Receiving Gifts” as their love language, then they enjoy receiving thoughtful and possibly even extravagant gifts, but gifts that mean something to them and correspond with their life.  Here are a couple of suggestions that might appeal to a range of “gift-loving” significant others.

#1 Whether your significant other enjoys an active life during the dead of winter and would like a little extra warmth during their outdoor pursuits while listening to their favorite podcast or music or they have difficulty sleeping and enjoy white noise or soft soothing music as they fall asleep.  This Hanpure Bluetooth headband is a practical and versatile gift.  The picture here contains a link to Amazon to research this for yourself.

#2 Gift baskets and gourmet foods!  Always fun to find one of these in our path!  I’m gonna throw another plug out there for Stonewall Kitchen cause they are just so awesome… You really can’t go wrong it just depends on what you are looking for… maybe part of your plan is breakfast in bed basket? With all of the Maine fixings?  Or is your significant other someone who loves little snacks throughout their day?  … I know I do!     Take a look at their options they have hundreds and hundreds of delicious options that could put a smile on just about anyone’s face!

#3 Flowers might feel overdone at times, however, they are what I would say, the tried and tested symbol of love, friendship, gratitude, and beauty.  There’s something special about fresh flowers that decorates the table or the windowsill and although temporary as is true with all things, they bring a simple joy which I think outweighs the ordinary.  They just make us happy!

I hope my love language gift guide has given you some helpful ideas as you think about what you might like to do for your special someone this Valentine’s day or any special day in your relationship.  Sometimes the art of a successful relationship is turning an ordinary day into a special day with a thoughtful gesture.

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